Spent Thanksgiving alone. Although it would have been nice to see my family. It felt amazing to not have anywhere to go or anywhere to be. I am very Thankful for everyone whom I have had a chance to meet in my life. It's been a very rocky year for me but it's only getting better. I have had a lot of ups and downs, but I am getting through it. I feel like I'm really aligning myself with exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
There has been a lot that has been going on in my life lately. All for the positive. I'm finally getting all of my finances on track. It's still going to be a long road but it is getting better. I don't have anything to really worry about or anything to stop me, which is nice. I've learned that I need to cut my losses and just move on from there. I had a lot of really expensive things that were in weird situations that were holding me down. Letting go of those things was really hard but more than necessary. I would be in so much worse of a situation if I didn't let those things go.
I ended a six-year long relationship with my husband. It was a very tough decision but also necessary. We had ended our relationship in June and I left at the end of August. We ended up trying to live together up until we got our situations figured out with each other. And it was a big situation that we tried to work through. We only had one car and we were both working, a huge amount of debt between the both of us that kept us together, and there were still some unsaid feelings that we both had for each other.
In the end, we both knew that we couldn't keep going. We were both on two different pages on two different books in two different libraries. The only thing we had in common were our problems. Now, I don't regret anything that I have ever done. BUT there was a lot of tears and turmoil that followed me into my new relationship. It literally started at the end of August as well. Like I said, this was a pretty crazy year for me and I'm getting through it.
I feel a lot more liberated now. Like, I'm not being held back anymore. Even though I was the main person taking care of things in the household in my last relationship I never felt like he was the one holding me back. I realized that I was the only person holding myself back. It wasn't until I really did a lot of soul searching after my relationship that I came up with the conclusion that most of the reason why I was in such a bad situation in that relationship was because I put myself there. And with him... let me just say, it didn't make it any better. And it wasn't his fault.
I've also decided that I am going to back to school. For real this time. LOL. I know that I have been saying that for a long time but a bunch of stupid excuses usually got in the way. I was just blocking myself and didn't really apply my time and energy to going. I was mostly scared. I didn't want to have school loans to have to pay back, I was scared that I wasn't going to make enough money while going to school, I was scared that my relationship was going to suffer more than what it has been and I didn't want to make it worse. Now that I realize all of these things were just my ego telling me that I couldn't do it, I am able to make the decision that I don't have to listen to my ego. It's only going to make things worse for me. So I decided to accept it and tell myself that I CAN do this and I am only holding myself back.
The thing that I am most excited for in my future, is the fact that I will be starting a business here pretty soon. It's going to be a marketing business that will keep me away from being at the office and I can actually go out and do the work that I'm meant to do. I have more of an entrepreneurial mindset. I'm still working on the business plan, so it's going to be a while before I can get it started. I feel like it will free up a lot of my time to get what I need, done. Schooling is one of my biggest priorities. I feel like a lot of opportunities will arise from getting an education. So it's about damn time that I get one.
I'm going going to be starting a non-profit organization. I am still working out the kinks, but it's going to be about something that I have been struggling with for a long time, ever since my childhood. During the last three months, I have realized a lot about my past that has been affecting me throughout my entire adult life. I want to help those people who have been affected the same way that I have. It's been a long time coming and I really feel that a big weight had been lifted off of my shoulders from realizing this. And it's all because of my spiritual journey.
You know, I've always believed that there was a God. In the past, I have always thought that there was something out there that was a higher being but I chose to distance myself away from religion. I couldn't believe that there was an ever loving God out there that harbored hatred for me. I went from being agnostic to atheist. It wasn't up until recently that I have learned the true meaning and power of God. I can tell you now that I am more in tune with myself and speaking to God has been a lot easier. I still have a long way to go, but I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I've entered into a relationship that is just amazing. I have found someone who understands and fully supports me in my endeavors. He is the only who has been shining the light on my hidden traits that I've long covered up and turned my back on. I've had revelations about myself and have come to terms with my past because of the path that he has helped me see. He has helped me see the power within myself and has motivated me to do the things that I've always wanted to do. And I can tell you that my life has changed significantly since I've met him.
I am so thankful for myself, for allowing myself to overcome and put myself in alignment with what I truly want and who I truly am. I am more site of myself than I have ever been in my life and I can't wait to teach everyone just how easy it is to find yourself and the benefits of what it will bring you. I hope that this next year will bring me more feeling of fullness and joy. And too end this I say, Happy Thanksgiving.
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